The place I used to live made me feel like a tourist >_<

I always spend the Christmas holidays at home. Home for me means hanging out with my family and with some of my very close friends and being nostalgic about my childhood and my school years.
It was good to see all my old friends and former classmates again at the party in my hometown, but something was not right, I feel like I don't belong here anymore... All I could think of was London...

Sometimes I wonder if there is a place in the Universe where I would feel good and where I would love to stay forever and ever, for all eternity without wanting to be in any other place but the one I am in at that moment O_o

He... O_O

We had our first date the night I met him... We sang Mila Superstar on the street [under the influence of a few drinks obviously:P], we knew the lyrics as we watched it when we were kids... ^_^

Do you believe in friendship between opposite sexes?O_o

I have only one true friend who is a boy and he moved away years ago and I miss him very very much!!! He is the only boy who never tried to hit on me and who was there for me no matter what. These friendships are very rare. I actually have many friends who are boys, ahmm let me rephrase, buddies (not fb's, that is a totally different story =]). I am "qualifying" them as buddies for a very good reason. There are two types of guys in this particular situation: the guy who you were dating and maybe even more, but it didn't work out, so you willingly or unwillingly become friends, i.e. buddies, and there is the guy who pretends to be your friend, you go out, have fun, no strings attached, until the day he asks you if you have a boyfriend and then it suddenly becomes clear that he is one of them, he is only choosing the longer way to get in your pants. Well tough luck!

I studied boys and men for many many years, I had to go through many deceptions to get hold of all these precious pieces of information which I am using against them [muahahahahahaha]. Yes, sometimes I feel that they are the enemy, but still I cannot live without them.

So in the end it all comes down to relationships and those nasty boys, huh?! >_<

Run Forrest, run!!! >_<

Fact: I hate to run, it takes all my breath away, like literally =]]!

Strange fact: every inch of my body tells me to run, to run like crazy. I have these peculiar dreams in which I run really fast and it makes me feel so good, my endorphine and adrenaline level rises skyhigh. I must have the Forrest Gump syndrome O_o...

After the holidays I will try to conquer Parliament Hill running =]

Jesus O_o

Jesus became the most loved and the most hated character in the world I think. He is like a rockstar (actually so is Satan, but I won't write about him today). I don't mean to be offensive, I am a person with faith in God, but the Jesus jokes and the Jesus quotes are really funny. I just want to post a few quotes for a laugh =]]

• Today I found Jesus, he was behind the fridge the whole time.


• Jesus is coming, everyone look busy!


• The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.


• Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side.


• If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Back home in a few days ^_^

I am really looking forward to going home after three months of being away. Three day road trip by car, yeayyyyyyy! At home I will charge my batteries and start the new year fresh.

However I am already homesick from London, my love!

Time is on my side huh?! O_o

I feel like complaining these days... because of my love/hate relationship with life. It is so beautifully messed up that sometimes I just burst into tears of both joy and sorrow at the same time. However that didn't happen lately, I'm all dried out of emotions...

I'm trying to be positive, my horoscope keeps saying that time is on my side, I just need to be patient. I don't even truly believe in the horoscope, it's just a bunch of random sentences anyway.

The deal is that I am desperately waiting for something to happen, although I have no idea whatsoever what it is... Until I find that magical something I'll just try the go with the flow approach yet again.

Good things come to those who wait. Not me, I hate to wait, I never wait for anything, I want everything right this instance and anyway why bother to wait if I even have no idea what for...

I'll just love and appreciate my questions and won't expect answers I can't handle!

Love/hate,

S.

Karma O_o

Do you believe in karma? I do!!! What goes around comes around... every time! Whatever you do, it comes back to you. It is almost like an inevitable pattern. I am good, good is all I get, I am bad, bad is all I get. It is so simple. The problem is that sometimes I just forget about karma and then it hits me in the face and throws me to the ground without mercy. The sad thing is that I am the only one to blame as I try to avoid taking responsibilty for my actions so many times. I am the cause, trying to outsmart the effect, which doesn't really work in most cases anyway...

There are the waves and there is the wind, seen and unseen forces. Everyone has these same elements in their lives, the seen and unseen, karma and free will. ~Kuan Yin

Spoiled, stubborn and natural born confused ^_^

"Got to, got to let you down

But in an hour I will change my mind.

It is like magic to me

Making mistakes and be forgiven easily..."

The Knife- Got 2 Let U

Figure it out yourselves =]]

[pic: Mark Ryden]

Night night ^_^

S.

Burst my bubble X_X

I thought I was fine for a while, but then I realised that nothing actually changed, same shit different package... So here I am, starting everything all over again... It's just an effin endorphinless day...

Supercalifragilistic expialidocious morning *_*

Supercalifragilistic expialidocious like Marry Poppins said... I still have no idea what it means, but that is how I feel right this moment.

I felt calm, with not a care in the world and suddenly someone who I haven't talked to in ages reappears in my life just like that, without any explanations and messes everything up. I wanted to get over those particular years when this person was a major part of my life. I actually did manage to accomplish that and now whammmm I remembered everything. It is strange because I felt like the conversation went on like we were two strangers and then he tells me that I still would shiver if he touched my back, why yes, thank you for reminding me!

Why can't I just have a normal day sometimes? O_o

Love at first sight O_O

There's no such thing as love at first sight... it's just pure lust!

Love <3

I always think that I am in love when I like someone. I can't really tell the difference between love and a simple crush. Sometimes I am just in love with the feeling of thinking that I am in love. I love to feel that pain you experience when you are waiting for him to call, to experience deception when he doesn't. I love to go through that insecure period of time when you are not sure yet where you stand with him, when you don't even know if he will be yours, when you still believe that he is just like you, when you don't realise that maybe he is just the image of youself or your desires projected on him... This is something perfect... When you know that all is well, you have him, he lays at your feet, prepared to do everything you want, to fulfil your every desire, your hunting instincts begin to work again.
It is so funny, I always seek that cozy, secure feeling of belonging when I'm with a guy, however when the slightest hint appears that I can have it, it makes me mad. I panic, I want to protect my freedom by any means, I make up excuses, turn off my phone, pretend I'm ill and several other low-life tricks which are awful and noone should behave like that. No, seriously, I mean it!

So until next time I'll just check my phone every five minutes to make sure there isn't a new message by any chance. I'll go to bed anxious, not being able to think of anything else but last Friday night. I'll feel like I will die until this Friday if I can't see him. I'll be looking forward to having thousands of butterflies in my tummy if I won't actually die until Friday =]

Lots of love,

S.

London chainsaw massacre >_<

I'm trying to get some sleep after a great night out and the neighbors are trying to cut down a tree with an effin chainsaw. Why don't they chainsaw my brains out directly I wonder... >_<

London gigs rock my socks ^_^

Astoria is one of the best venues in central London, just a few minutes away from Centre Point, it is a pity they want to turn it into shops and offices... *sigh*

Anyway, last night we went to see Fantômas. It is interesting to know abut them that they began just before the collapse of Faith No More with a series of spasmic, avant-garde metal songs composed by vocalist Mike Patton. Patton then sent the demos to guitarist Buzz Osborne (of The Melvins), bassist Trevor Dunn (of Mr. Bungle) and drummer Igor Cavalera (of Sepultura) with the intention of forming a Supergroup. Cavalera declined the offer, but recommended who he thought would be perfect for the project: Dave Lombardo of Slayer, who accepted.

Before them two bands performed as well, the second one drew my attention particularly, they are called The Locust, from California. I am posting a part of one of their live acts. Sick shit they are doing and the drummer is exceptional, it's unbelievable what he does on stage.

Great gig ^_^

After every party I die X_X

Finally I had my trashy Friday night out. The World's End pub, lots of drinks, new people, new guy, the best drunken, sloppy, public makeout in a long time, wrinkled white sheets, top floor room, Placebo... My wishes seem to come true after all.

Life is just painfully exciting <3

Cool/uncool hunting ^_^

I was looking at random profiles on Myspace this morning (had nothing better to do as the rain was pouring outside) and I was wondering about what makes one look cool or uncool.

There are many people who just follow trends, get tons of piercings and tattoos and they still look uncool, because they don't have that charm which makes someone special, that something that makes other people say wow when they see these people.

I found a guy who knows how to wear his tattoos and has the right attitude in pictures (I am posting his pic, I have a major platonic crush on him =]).

The main thing is that those people who desperately try to be cool are simply ridiculous in most cases. What I find cool is being yourself and nice smiles! =]

Love, S.

All or nothing *_*

If I realise that I can't get or achieve something for some reason I don't want it anymore. I'm not satisfied with alternatives or consolation prizes. Don't get me wrong, it's not about giving up, it's about wanting the best. Either I can have it or I can live without it! It's about extremes, about not wanting to admit or to even see that there is something between the extremes, just like Milan Kundera described it in his novel "The unbearable lightness of being" (one of my favourite novels): Perceptions are determined by edges, powerful light and total darkness. Extremes draw edges, beneath which life comes to an end and the worship of extremes in art and in politics as well is nothing else but a hidden death desire. (It's not the accurate quote, I just translated it from Hungarian).

Bottom line is all or nothing, living on the edge, one way or the other, no compromises!

Notion of time O_O

Time is the magnitude measured by clocks. There is a theory which claims that time dilation is possible, thus the actual time and the time measured by clocks is different. We had several philosophycal discussions on this topic. If you are a skeptic you will find this gibberish. The idea is that a day has 24 hours, well the clocks measure 24 hours, but the actual time became shorter, so a usual day is only 14 hours long and it's getting shorter until it hits a peak point and then it might reverse.

We can actually feel it day by day. Have you ever noticed that there just simply isn't enough time to finish a task let's say in an hour, you know that you could finish it before but now you're just running out of time. Or another example, when you have a test, why is it that it is so hard to finish it in time, even if you know the subject by heart. Or when you want to get somewhere, you start in time and you arrive late anyway. Or you get a good night's sleep for 8-9 hours and you wake up dead tired. The examples are numerous...

Use your time wisely because it's precious!

Best cartoons ever ^_^

When I was a kid I loved to watch cartoons on German channels. I am posting one of the intros in German (Frau Pfeffertopf). Other cartoons I loved to watch (all of them Japanese with German dubbing): Sailor Moon, Mila, Candy Candy, Calimero, Die froeliche Familie, Die Kinder vom Berghof, Die kleine Prinzessin Sara, Georgie, Schnewittchen, Im Land des Zauberers von Oz and many more I can't remember right now...

So that is how I learnt German and fell in love with the Japanese culture ^_^

Classmates O_o

The other night I had a dream about my classmates from elementary school, we met again after so many years and suddenly we were children again and we were so happy about that, we all hugged each other. Next summer it will be ten years since we graduated elementary school, I hope to see them for a renunion!

About Christmas ^_^

Strangely this year I think I got my groove back, my Christmas spirit is finally back ^_^. The past few years I was like the Grinch, just wanted to get the whole thing over with. But this year I am all jolly, I want to listen to Christmas carols. I can't wait to go home and decorate the tree and help my grandmother prepare dinner and take out my little cousin for a walk while it will be snowing hopefully.

So yesterday I went Christmas shopping for my family and I actually enjoyed it! Three more weeks and we will be driving home. You know that Chris Rea song, Driving home for Christmas, I am listening to that. Most of the time I found it very cheesy, but now I just love it, it puts me in a great mood.

I love the smell of Christmas, it's a mixture of snow, pine, sparkles, chocolate cake with a hint of cinnamon and freshly baked bagels.

On Christmas Eve I always watch the Wizard of Oz after dinner and opening the presents. On the firts day of Christmas I wake up to the smell of the pine and I have cakes and look at my presents, which we always leave under the tree. This brings back so many memories.

Counting the days until then ^_^

Love, S.

No more drama >_<

Last night I decided that from now on the only thing that will matter is my well being. I know it sounds very selfish, but hey, that's me, a spoiled little princess and I'm not ashamed to admit it! =].

The first step will be very simple, no more dating, I am tired of that shit, honestly. Either they are out of my league or just plain stupid and I hate getting bored on a night out. I don't like boring guys, who would do anything for me, I am attracted to assholes, everyone knows it and that's just the way it will stay.

So starting today no more dating, not even with tattoo artists (big dissapointment I might add=[). I realised I'm better off alone, doing my things, learning, reading, enjoying the small things.

Can't wait to go home and spend Christmas with my mom and my grandparents ^_^. I hope it will snow!

Stairway to heaven (or to the way out down in the underground station =])

Whenever I travel by tube in London and I use the escalators I always think of that Tom and Jerry episode, Heavenly Puss, when Tom goes to Heaven. He climbs the golden stairway of Heaven to the golden gates of the Heavenly Express. Unfortunately for Tom, the gatekeeper refuses the entry because he has persecuted Jerry all his life. However, if he can get a signature stating Jerry's forgiveness within an hour, a reprieve will be granted and he will be allowed through, otherwise he will be condemned to Hell, where Spike the Bulldog personified as the devil with a pitchfork awaits.

Fact: the longest stairway in London and in all Western Europe is at the Angel station, with a vertical rise of 27.4 m (90 ft) and a length of 60 m (197 ft).

The truth is that I am scared of escalators, but they fascinate me as well...

Tim Burton + Johnny Depp = <3

Tim Burton is my favourite director and Johnny Depp my favourite actor of all times. Together they make a perfect "couple".

Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Corpse Bride (Depp's voice), Sweeney Todd and now a movie to be released in 2010, the remake of Alice in Wonderland, starring Johnny Depp as the Mad hatter. Looking forward to seeing that one ^_^.

Cheers!

Tattoo artists ^_^

Tired >_<

I never felt so tired in my life and I didn't even party for 3 days in a row. I feel like I could sleep for days and days and still want to stay in bed for even more...

Goodnight!

ZzzZzzzzzZZZzzzzzzz

Rise and shine ^_^

The grumpy me had a good night sleep and is just fine now. It's such a nice sunny day again, I think I'll go to the park and read or maybe I'll just go out to the backyard and have a nice morning cocktail and relax or I can go Camden and hang out. So many options =]

The fortune cookie from Chinatown said that time is on my side and that I should cease worrying about the future. So I am doing that starting now, and if he comes back he is mine if not then he never was, his fuckin' loss, I'll be fine ^_^

Cheers!

Still grumpy >_<

Today I feel like this little character in the drawing... like the only sane person amongst all the insane idiots, or the only sane person amongst all the normal, boring people, or just alone in a crowd, misunderstood, left out, lost in my own thoughts... I just wanna break something, or hit someone or anything simlar to that... or some anger management sessions perhaps is what I need... O_O

Good night! ^_^

Grumpy >_<

I had enough of so many things, I don't feel free and I am sick and tired of the on and off relationships. So yeah, I guess just fuck you 'cause this time I am really moving on!

Cheers ^_^

Rainy afternoon O_O

I am staying cuddled in bed, I am listening to Portishead, drinking a hot tea, the rain is pouring outside, I just watched Sid and Nancy, I feel strange... The only thing that is missing is a light head from some booze or pills. Well actually two things... it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with here with me. I really feel like staying in bed for two days at least with someone, getting drunk, watching some really good movies and making out, just feeling high on that feeling that comes with all these things usually...

Sick like Sid and Nancy... *_*

Love kills

Finally I watched Sid and Nancy. I just love it!!! Actually I can't think of any words to describe the feelings I have after watching it... Well, I know someone who appreciates this movie as much as I do and when I go home for the holidays I'm sure we will play our own little Sid and Nancy scenes...

Chinatown *_*

We went to Chinatown today. It is a great place, really good food, cheap stuff, cute Asian boys with gorgeous haircuts, Hello Kitty, chopsticks, dragons, Chinese newsapers and so on. It was like we left London and landed in China straigh away O_O

Anyway it's an interesting place to visit.

Ni hao mates ^_^

Confused is my middle name O_o

Why is it that I never know what my next step will be?

One day I have a totally clear plan, I go for it and then the next day I want something not by far similar to that...

One day I am in love, like head over heels in love, the next day I just want to be alone...

One day I feel happy, I think that my life is perfect, I enjoy the sunshine, I soak up every ray of it, but then again the next day all I want is to shut my blinds and stay in bed all day, cuddled between my blankets...

One day I feel like I want to hug everyone, I am nice to everybody, I am patient with the kids I love, the next day I think everyone can drop dead for all I care...

One day I want to go home and be with everyone who matters to me, the next day I want to stay and start a new life...

One day I am nostalgic and I am looking forward to new exciting things, the next day I wonder what the fuck I am doing in this world...

One night I love to get drunk and party all night, the next night I just want to stay sober in a corner and listen to music...

One night I want to be with boys, the next night I just want to stay in, watch a slasher and have nightmares...

No fuckin' way out of this state of mind O_o

Thoughts of the day... O_o

Live for the moment, such a clichee, but anyway that is what I do. The problem is that there comes a moment when you have to make choices, wether you like it or not. The choice you make will have an influence on your future, so there goes your live for the moment lifestyle right down the drain. God I hate being a grown-up! >_<

Another thing that has been on my mind is that you should never ever allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option...

Cheers, I am going to the park to read my Andy Warhol book, it's such a sunny day, love it ^_^

About perfumes *_*

There are so many perfumes, it is almost impossible to choose the fragrance which suits me the best. Every perfume I have reminds me of boys, parties, places, walks, special days... I always keep a bit in the bottom of every perfume bottle so that when I smell it I can go back in time and relive those moments when I was wearing that certain perfume. I wear Chanel now, Madmoiselle, it has been my favourite fragrance for more than a year now. I didn't even use my other perfumes, only the Chanel, but I have to get a new one. I have to choose between a totally new one or one I had before. Tough choice, but still I think I would like to get the Pure Poison fom Dior, again... reminds me of a great summer at the seaside two years ago, it would give me daydreaming material for the rainy London days...

Note: the new Paco Rabanne guy is like *_*

*drool*

Groovy baby, it's almost the weekend ^_^

Since I graduated college the weekdays are not quite like the weekends anymore, so my weekends became something sacred for me. I live for the weekends and for parties, they keep me alive. Can't wait to go out tonight, the Lock again, with the cute bartenders *drool*, white wine, indie and electro... This is everything I need at the moment ^_^

So cheers mates, updates soon =]

Love, S.

Household chemicals >_<

I fuckin' hate household chemicals, they give me a headache and they make me nauseous. I hate to use them, I am convinced that they are incredibly bad for my health. It's unbelievable how much of them they use here in the UK. There are hundreds of chemicals for everything. And they just say, oh these are just everyday household chemicals, it's not like you have to inhale them or get your skin into contact with them, but that is just not true. You inhale them anyway and it gets in contact with your skin even if you wear rubber gloves, because that fucked up vapor or mist they make gets in the air and it touches your skin. God, I hate them >_<.

I got a headache writing this...

Need for ink *_*

I always loved tattoos. I got my first one when I was 14 of 15, I'm not sure. It is like an addiction, once you get started, you want more and more of them. I already have like five, but I really would like to get some more.

Tattoos are a just a great kind of body art. I don't know, the more tattoos I have the more safe I feel, they are like some sort of a protective layer on my skin. It sounds strange, but it is like that. Each of my tattoos has a great value for me. I had my first one covered and I feel sorry for that one, it was part of me, well it still is underneath the new one, but I feel like I lost a tiny fracture of my personality by covering that old tattoo.

By the way, I have just one advice for everybody who did not turn 18 or let's say maybe even 20 yet, don't get tattooed too early, becuse teenagers change all the time, one day they want one thing, the other day something else, and a tattoo is something you have to wear for the rest of your life and it is very important that you feel comfortable with it. Jesus, i really sound like my mom now =]].

I would totally get my sleeves done as well, but I'm not quite sure about that, maybe I'll get a small one, just for the sake of knowing that I have one on my arm, maybe my wrist. (Mom, don't get anxious, it's just a plan =]).

Oh, and tattooed guys are like so hot, I always dreamed that my husband would be a rockstar, or just some dude playing in a band or a tattoo artist ^_^.

Anyway, bottom line is that tattoos are a great thing, just be careful what you choose.

Note: download or watch on Discovery Miami Ink or L.A. Ink (Kat von D rocks btw ^_^) or even London Ink and enjoy, great shows!

Love,

S.

Pop Art ^_^

A brand new Andy Warhol exhibition is on show at the Hayward Gallery this winter, entitled Andy Warhol: Other Voices, Other Rooms. Looking at the works of this major 20th century artist from a new and fresh perspective, the Andy Warhol exhibition at the Southbank Centre is sure to be a big draw to fans of his art.

Yay ^_^. We're going to see that this weekend. Looking forward to it.

New favourite clip *_*

Borderline diaries O_O

So it's not a personality problem, it's just a behavioral "illness"... Why can't I stop acting all fucked up?! I want to make everything right, I try my best to accomplish that but I always mess up, it's like an evil side of me is doing everything instead of me... It's not enough that I am way too paranoid, now I have schizophrenic symptoms as well and I feel like I will go crazy again (probably I won't because I never did before, but still...).

What a great day! I probably will mess up tonight with the new guy too... because of trying too hard I guess... But I don't really care actually... or do I? O_o

x

Slasher time ^_^

Slasher horror movies... Well if you are a fan of the genre, this movie will blow your mind. Not your everyday slasher I must say. The killing parts might be similar to those from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Lake Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Wrong Turn, Hostel and so on, however I really enjoyed it. It was one of the most beautiful love stories ever, until the strange ending... The whole story gives you a very romanticised, indie, goth-ish, glam death, porn kind of feeling, all in one. I won't spoil it for those of you who would like to watch it.

I think I just became a Jonathan Levine fan tonight. He did an exceptional job, not only because of the plot, but because of the great frames as well. I was really expecting a usual slasher, which is just fine after a tiring day of work. I thought it would offer me a hint of excitement, but enough of those scenes which would bore me, because of the overused themes. Well it was a really pleasant surprise ^_^.

So it's a must see! (but I emphasize it again, only for the slasher fans).

Good night! ^_^

S.

Airplanes...

There is a funny thing about landing, the passangers applaude the captain. I don't see the point, it's like we went to see a theatre play or something. It is his job to get that plane safe on the ground. I don't get any applause when I translate a text.

So I wonder when a plane crashes and there are some survivors will they boo the captain for doing such a lousy job... O_o

All Hallows Eve O_o

Halloween is one of my favourite holidays. Last night we went out to celebrate it in the Lock Tavern with my friend. I dressed up as a zombie prom queen and she as a wicked witch.

It was one of the best parties I went to, great place, great people, so was the music, a mix of indie, electro, clash, glam rock and other goodies ^_^. We had a spooktacular time :D



Love,
S.

About hugs and kisses... xoxo

I won't write about how great it is to hug or kiss someone, because we all know that ^_^. I will write about the funny situations related to kissing and hugging.

When you think about something for a long time you discover peculiar sides of that thing. Now, for instance, it is a habit that we give our friends a kiss hello and a kiss goodbye. So the kisser maybe wants to give just one kiss on one cheek and the kissee wants the standard two kisses on each cheek. After the whole ceremony the kissee remains with a fat lip and with one kiss pending in the air =]. Another situation is the strange, and for some people very classy three kiss session. This situation on the other hand disadvantages the kisser as he or she will expose a funny kissy face when the kissee withdraws his or her cheeks. And actually the funniest part of the whole kissy-kissy ritual is that it is physically imposibble that both kissing parties receive kisses at the same time, it is more like a face touching thing. The countless kisses that get wasted in the air, it's just sad =]]

So hugs... One funny thing that popped into my mind is the picture-hug. When two or more people are taking pictures, they always hug. I wonder if it is because they want to fit in the frame or because they want to show everyone their affection or just because that's the only way to take group pictures. Boys hug boys, girls hug girls, you even hug the people you don't really like or maybe never even met before, just for the sake of the picture. Now isn't that all lovely and stuff?! =]

So until next time kissez and hugz to all of you

xoxo

Pop art style life philosophy ^_^

A very dear friend of mine sent me these pics. I love them <3

Good night!

S.