Love <3

I always think that I am in love when I like someone. I can't really tell the difference between love and a simple crush. Sometimes I am just in love with the feeling of thinking that I am in love. I love to feel that pain you experience when you are waiting for him to call, to experience deception when he doesn't. I love to go through that insecure period of time when you are not sure yet where you stand with him, when you don't even know if he will be yours, when you still believe that he is just like you, when you don't realise that maybe he is just the image of youself or your desires projected on him... This is something perfect... When you know that all is well, you have him, he lays at your feet, prepared to do everything you want, to fulfil your every desire, your hunting instincts begin to work again.
It is so funny, I always seek that cozy, secure feeling of belonging when I'm with a guy, however when the slightest hint appears that I can have it, it makes me mad. I panic, I want to protect my freedom by any means, I make up excuses, turn off my phone, pretend I'm ill and several other low-life tricks which are awful and noone should behave like that. No, seriously, I mean it!

So until next time I'll just check my phone every five minutes to make sure there isn't a new message by any chance. I'll go to bed anxious, not being able to think of anything else but last Friday night. I'll feel like I will die until this Friday if I can't see him. I'll be looking forward to having thousands of butterflies in my tummy if I won't actually die until Friday =]

Lots of love,

S.