The place I used to live made me feel like a tourist >_<

I always spend the Christmas holidays at home. Home for me means hanging out with my family and with some of my very close friends and being nostalgic about my childhood and my school years.
It was good to see all my old friends and former classmates again at the party in my hometown, but something was not right, I feel like I don't belong here anymore... All I could think of was London...

Sometimes I wonder if there is a place in the Universe where I would feel good and where I would love to stay forever and ever, for all eternity without wanting to be in any other place but the one I am in at that moment O_o

He... O_O

We had our first date the night I met him... We sang Mila Superstar on the street [under the influence of a few drinks obviously:P], we knew the lyrics as we watched it when we were kids... ^_^

Do you believe in friendship between opposite sexes?O_o

I have only one true friend who is a boy and he moved away years ago and I miss him very very much!!! He is the only boy who never tried to hit on me and who was there for me no matter what. These friendships are very rare. I actually have many friends who are boys, ahmm let me rephrase, buddies (not fb's, that is a totally different story =]). I am "qualifying" them as buddies for a very good reason. There are two types of guys in this particular situation: the guy who you were dating and maybe even more, but it didn't work out, so you willingly or unwillingly become friends, i.e. buddies, and there is the guy who pretends to be your friend, you go out, have fun, no strings attached, until the day he asks you if you have a boyfriend and then it suddenly becomes clear that he is one of them, he is only choosing the longer way to get in your pants. Well tough luck!

I studied boys and men for many many years, I had to go through many deceptions to get hold of all these precious pieces of information which I am using against them [muahahahahahaha]. Yes, sometimes I feel that they are the enemy, but still I cannot live without them.

So in the end it all comes down to relationships and those nasty boys, huh?! >_<

Run Forrest, run!!! >_<

Fact: I hate to run, it takes all my breath away, like literally =]]!

Strange fact: every inch of my body tells me to run, to run like crazy. I have these peculiar dreams in which I run really fast and it makes me feel so good, my endorphine and adrenaline level rises skyhigh. I must have the Forrest Gump syndrome O_o...

After the holidays I will try to conquer Parliament Hill running =]

Jesus O_o

Jesus became the most loved and the most hated character in the world I think. He is like a rockstar (actually so is Satan, but I won't write about him today). I don't mean to be offensive, I am a person with faith in God, but the Jesus jokes and the Jesus quotes are really funny. I just want to post a few quotes for a laugh =]]

• Today I found Jesus, he was behind the fridge the whole time.


• Jesus is coming, everyone look busy!


• The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.


• Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side.


• If Jesus had been killed 20 years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little Electric Chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

Back home in a few days ^_^

I am really looking forward to going home after three months of being away. Three day road trip by car, yeayyyyyyy! At home I will charge my batteries and start the new year fresh.

However I am already homesick from London, my love!

Time is on my side huh?! O_o

I feel like complaining these days... because of my love/hate relationship with life. It is so beautifully messed up that sometimes I just burst into tears of both joy and sorrow at the same time. However that didn't happen lately, I'm all dried out of emotions...

I'm trying to be positive, my horoscope keeps saying that time is on my side, I just need to be patient. I don't even truly believe in the horoscope, it's just a bunch of random sentences anyway.

The deal is that I am desperately waiting for something to happen, although I have no idea whatsoever what it is... Until I find that magical something I'll just try the go with the flow approach yet again.

Good things come to those who wait. Not me, I hate to wait, I never wait for anything, I want everything right this instance and anyway why bother to wait if I even have no idea what for...

I'll just love and appreciate my questions and won't expect answers I can't handle!

Love/hate,

S.

Karma O_o

Do you believe in karma? I do!!! What goes around comes around... every time! Whatever you do, it comes back to you. It is almost like an inevitable pattern. I am good, good is all I get, I am bad, bad is all I get. It is so simple. The problem is that sometimes I just forget about karma and then it hits me in the face and throws me to the ground without mercy. The sad thing is that I am the only one to blame as I try to avoid taking responsibilty for my actions so many times. I am the cause, trying to outsmart the effect, which doesn't really work in most cases anyway...

There are the waves and there is the wind, seen and unseen forces. Everyone has these same elements in their lives, the seen and unseen, karma and free will. ~Kuan Yin

Spoiled, stubborn and natural born confused ^_^

"Got to, got to let you down

But in an hour I will change my mind.

It is like magic to me

Making mistakes and be forgiven easily..."

The Knife- Got 2 Let U

Figure it out yourselves =]]

[pic: Mark Ryden]

Night night ^_^

S.

Burst my bubble X_X

I thought I was fine for a while, but then I realised that nothing actually changed, same shit different package... So here I am, starting everything all over again... It's just an effin endorphinless day...

Supercalifragilistic expialidocious morning *_*

Supercalifragilistic expialidocious like Marry Poppins said... I still have no idea what it means, but that is how I feel right this moment.

I felt calm, with not a care in the world and suddenly someone who I haven't talked to in ages reappears in my life just like that, without any explanations and messes everything up. I wanted to get over those particular years when this person was a major part of my life. I actually did manage to accomplish that and now whammmm I remembered everything. It is strange because I felt like the conversation went on like we were two strangers and then he tells me that I still would shiver if he touched my back, why yes, thank you for reminding me!

Why can't I just have a normal day sometimes? O_o

Love at first sight O_O

There's no such thing as love at first sight... it's just pure lust!

Love <3

I always think that I am in love when I like someone. I can't really tell the difference between love and a simple crush. Sometimes I am just in love with the feeling of thinking that I am in love. I love to feel that pain you experience when you are waiting for him to call, to experience deception when he doesn't. I love to go through that insecure period of time when you are not sure yet where you stand with him, when you don't even know if he will be yours, when you still believe that he is just like you, when you don't realise that maybe he is just the image of youself or your desires projected on him... This is something perfect... When you know that all is well, you have him, he lays at your feet, prepared to do everything you want, to fulfil your every desire, your hunting instincts begin to work again.
It is so funny, I always seek that cozy, secure feeling of belonging when I'm with a guy, however when the slightest hint appears that I can have it, it makes me mad. I panic, I want to protect my freedom by any means, I make up excuses, turn off my phone, pretend I'm ill and several other low-life tricks which are awful and noone should behave like that. No, seriously, I mean it!

So until next time I'll just check my phone every five minutes to make sure there isn't a new message by any chance. I'll go to bed anxious, not being able to think of anything else but last Friday night. I'll feel like I will die until this Friday if I can't see him. I'll be looking forward to having thousands of butterflies in my tummy if I won't actually die until Friday =]

Lots of love,

S.

London chainsaw massacre >_<

I'm trying to get some sleep after a great night out and the neighbors are trying to cut down a tree with an effin chainsaw. Why don't they chainsaw my brains out directly I wonder... >_<

London gigs rock my socks ^_^

Astoria is one of the best venues in central London, just a few minutes away from Centre Point, it is a pity they want to turn it into shops and offices... *sigh*

Anyway, last night we went to see Fantômas. It is interesting to know abut them that they began just before the collapse of Faith No More with a series of spasmic, avant-garde metal songs composed by vocalist Mike Patton. Patton then sent the demos to guitarist Buzz Osborne (of The Melvins), bassist Trevor Dunn (of Mr. Bungle) and drummer Igor Cavalera (of Sepultura) with the intention of forming a Supergroup. Cavalera declined the offer, but recommended who he thought would be perfect for the project: Dave Lombardo of Slayer, who accepted.

Before them two bands performed as well, the second one drew my attention particularly, they are called The Locust, from California. I am posting a part of one of their live acts. Sick shit they are doing and the drummer is exceptional, it's unbelievable what he does on stage.

Great gig ^_^

After every party I die X_X

Finally I had my trashy Friday night out. The World's End pub, lots of drinks, new people, new guy, the best drunken, sloppy, public makeout in a long time, wrinkled white sheets, top floor room, Placebo... My wishes seem to come true after all.

Life is just painfully exciting <3

Cool/uncool hunting ^_^

I was looking at random profiles on Myspace this morning (had nothing better to do as the rain was pouring outside) and I was wondering about what makes one look cool or uncool.

There are many people who just follow trends, get tons of piercings and tattoos and they still look uncool, because they don't have that charm which makes someone special, that something that makes other people say wow when they see these people.

I found a guy who knows how to wear his tattoos and has the right attitude in pictures (I am posting his pic, I have a major platonic crush on him =]).

The main thing is that those people who desperately try to be cool are simply ridiculous in most cases. What I find cool is being yourself and nice smiles! =]

Love, S.

All or nothing *_*

If I realise that I can't get or achieve something for some reason I don't want it anymore. I'm not satisfied with alternatives or consolation prizes. Don't get me wrong, it's not about giving up, it's about wanting the best. Either I can have it or I can live without it! It's about extremes, about not wanting to admit or to even see that there is something between the extremes, just like Milan Kundera described it in his novel "The unbearable lightness of being" (one of my favourite novels): Perceptions are determined by edges, powerful light and total darkness. Extremes draw edges, beneath which life comes to an end and the worship of extremes in art and in politics as well is nothing else but a hidden death desire. (It's not the accurate quote, I just translated it from Hungarian).

Bottom line is all or nothing, living on the edge, one way or the other, no compromises!

Notion of time O_O

Time is the magnitude measured by clocks. There is a theory which claims that time dilation is possible, thus the actual time and the time measured by clocks is different. We had several philosophycal discussions on this topic. If you are a skeptic you will find this gibberish. The idea is that a day has 24 hours, well the clocks measure 24 hours, but the actual time became shorter, so a usual day is only 14 hours long and it's getting shorter until it hits a peak point and then it might reverse.

We can actually feel it day by day. Have you ever noticed that there just simply isn't enough time to finish a task let's say in an hour, you know that you could finish it before but now you're just running out of time. Or another example, when you have a test, why is it that it is so hard to finish it in time, even if you know the subject by heart. Or when you want to get somewhere, you start in time and you arrive late anyway. Or you get a good night's sleep for 8-9 hours and you wake up dead tired. The examples are numerous...

Use your time wisely because it's precious!

Best cartoons ever ^_^

When I was a kid I loved to watch cartoons on German channels. I am posting one of the intros in German (Frau Pfeffertopf). Other cartoons I loved to watch (all of them Japanese with German dubbing): Sailor Moon, Mila, Candy Candy, Calimero, Die froeliche Familie, Die Kinder vom Berghof, Die kleine Prinzessin Sara, Georgie, Schnewittchen, Im Land des Zauberers von Oz and many more I can't remember right now...

So that is how I learnt German and fell in love with the Japanese culture ^_^