I don't even want anything I was desperate to have anymore... I feel too tired... I couldn't handle it if he decided he wanted me after all... I want my dreams to remain dreams and I want my life to be my life and not some series of silly scenes I invent to escape from reality... everything gets all mixed up in the end... I can't swim and I won't learn to swim in the near future, all I can do is float...

So screw it all, I am going to Brighton!!!

Peace!

New Blog! ^_^

Hey everyone, I've just created a new blog where I will post my comic strips. Enjoy!
http://sylvinka-comics.blogspot.com/

80's hair >_<

Dear Lord please don't let the 80's hair metal hairstyles come back in fashion! They are hideous!

It's a definite NO!

The evil black cat *_*

I don't like cats, I have nightmares of them jumping on me, scratching and biting me 'till I bleed to death in horrible agony... And I am also superstitious, black cats crossing my path... it can't get worse...

Today I went to Highgate Cemetery, it's truly beautiful.

When I was walking down the hill next to the fence of the cemetery I noticed a black cat sitting in the middle of the walk. It didn't pay any attention to the two people walking past it before me. It was waiting for me I tell you and it had an evil look in it's eyes. I am trying not to romanticise or overdramatize the whole story, but it was dreadful. It was nothing like Emily Strange's cat...

So anyway as I was getting closer, it started running towards me, I thought I would faint that instance, I could already see how it will scratch my eyes out. It was very insistent, I stroked it, thinking that it's better this way. Then I wanted to walk away and it jumped on the fence next to me, I stroked it again and then all of a sudden, with an unexpected movement it put it's paw on my hand. It might sound silly, laugh all you want, but it wasn't in a playful way, it was something maleficent. Then I sped up my steps and as I looked back it was still staring at me.

I think it might have jumped on the back of the bus and might have followed me home. Now it's just waiting for the darkness to fall over the city and then it'll fulfil it's evil plan to destroy me. Oh dear... >_<

[Okay, this last part isn't true, but if my posts cease to exist, you can be sure that the cat managed to pull it off...]

Gipsy girl tattoos... *_*

Why is everyone getting them?

People are stealing my writings... >_<

For those of you who don't know, my writings are copyrighted, mkay? Today I found one of my posts on an old aquaintance's website, my exact same words, posted as hers. Well fuck off!!! From tomorrow my blog will be invite only. So I'm giving my readers a few hours to contact me if they want to read my blog in the future.

God damn plagiarists. Now I know how annoying it can be, even if it's just a personal blog. Post your own damn ideas instead of others'!!! Ignorant fuckin' pricks!!!

Excuse my French, but I'm a bit pissed off!!!

Earth Day ^_^

Today was Earth Day. I usually do something creative on this day or at least I do something good for the environment. Today I was feeling a bit depressed and all I did was kill some mosquitoes again... Oh well... Happy Earth Day citizens of Earth!

[Do you remeber Captain Planet btw? The gang was so cool! ^_^]

Bad hair day >_<

Third one in a row >_<

I wish my hair would grow back long fast!

Exterminator mode X_X

I sleep with my window open and before turning off the lights I have to kill the mosquitoes with my slippers. They are huge, back home they were tiny and almost impossible to spot. This whole process reminds me of my third year at uni when we had moths in our flat, hundreds of them and cocoons under the bed. God, I loved that trashy place. It was the best year ever! We didn't have TV or Internet in the flat, just a CD player with a radio and we were not bored one single minute. I miss those days... I wish London's early summer midnight air would smell as good as it did back home...

Horea street was a magical place for two years in a row...

Fashion disaster O_o

Cowboy boots with skinnies... What has the world come to? >_<

I hereby officially state that I hate cowboy boots, no matter how rock they are these days!!! Get your good old filthy Converses out from wherever you have thrown them for crying out loud!!!

Noone loves me >_<

Actually let me rephrase... All the wrong people love me. Sorry for not loving you back!
*sigh*
Karma's being a bitch these days...

I <3 CRAIG MABBITT I <3 CRAIG MABBITT I <3 CRAIG MABBITT I <3 CRAIG MABBITT I <3 CRAIG MABBITT

I've finally seen him live at Give It A Name with Escape the Fate and he is fuckin' amazing!!!

Oh and btw GIAN was like a hairflipping fringe heaven! :P

A must see *_*

Nostalgic... O_o

I want to go home, go to some random huge abandoned factory in the middle of the night with my own personal Sid and wait for the atomic bomb to hit us while we discuss how endless the Universe is...

Where the hell are you? O_o

Prozac X_X

This morning being all messed up after another glorious night, I went out to hang out with my friend and in this charity shop some middle aged shopkepers were talking about various things, amongst which Prozac. One of them said: Well, hell yeah I am taking it, it's the only way I can survive this shitty life. The other one was like: Yeah but sometimes if you have aggressive tendencies than all it does is make you even more aggressive, I can tell you for a fact as I experienced it. What a nice small talk it was on a Saturday morning.

Now I know that I'll have some mates to discuss the effects of Prozac with, once I'll be on it, too... We can start a support group kind of thing: The Charity Shop presents the Anonymous Prozac Addicts O_o

Blaaaaank O_o

I always get what I want and then I lose it as fast as I get it... Life is so unfair... Sometimes I wish I would be more careful what I wish for...

I can't even enjoy things because I know that the consequences will hurt me... And the sad part is that I am the only one to blame for my unfortunate choices... oh yeah, and I don't stop when I still can, I just go on knowing that it will suck big time in the end... Fuck it and fuck every little scumbag!

And I thought that the lack of alcohol will make me avoid doing stupid things, well it didn't. It was just a regular trashy Friday night, but this time it was bittersweet or better yet sweet/bitter. Things won't be different, I am conscious of that, so I won't fool myself anymore.

If there would be only one single asshole left on this planet, I'm sure he would find me...

[High on Red Bull]

High school obsession *_*

When I was in high school I used to listen to this like crazy O_o

Sober ^_^

This straight edge thing is working out really well for me! I had so much fun tonight, pubbing with some friends and I am in bed now fresh and aware of everything I've said and done in the past hours. I'm sure the Pavlov's dog effect in the morning will wear off soon!

Good night!

x

Strange fact of the day *_*

I don't drink anymore... I went out twice this weekend, all I had was water and Red Bull and in the morning I have terrible hangovers... Nurofen time... How strange is that? My mom thinks I suffer from Pavlov's dog syndrome O_o

Car doors... O_o

Have you ever noticed the following phenomenon? For instance a guy is getting a cab and the door is locked, he knocks on the driver's sidewindow and shows him that it's locked. The driver opens it in the same time as the anxious passanger pulls the handle, thus the door remains stuck. This happens two-three times until he realises that he just should wait for a second and pull after that...

Hey little sister what have you done?! ^_^

I feel a terrible urge to listen to Billy Idol's White Wedding! *_*

Pirates O_x

I am warning you, this is hilarious =]]

Pirates hold captain hostage as U.S. ship sails away
A freed cargo ship goes on its way as four stranded pirates, with their American captive, in one small lifeboat face off against a U.S. destroyer, surveillance craft and helicopters.

[Los Angeles Times, April 10, 2009]

They must be living their childhood dreams. I want to play pirate, too! Arrrggghhhhh!!!

I wonder though if they have wooden legs and eyepatches and parrots on their shoulders...

P!ink ^_^

I really like Pink, I always have! She is a cool gal ^_^
I love her new video and I want to have that pink outfit she's wearing. It's like Alice in Wonderland meets gothic lolita/porcelain doll, all in one...

Another religion related post, sorry... O_o

I've been going to mass this week, for my grandpa and for myself too actually. Going to church is slowly becoming addictive... think Fight Club... you know the support group thing... it feels like that... sort of...

The thing is that I don't know any prayers, okay, just one in Hungarian, but here I have no clue what to say in church and the prayers... no idea about that whatsoever either and I didn't even bother to check them how they sound in English, not even out of curiosity. I never even wanted to learn one anyway. Here's what I think of prayers... In school you had to learn poems by heart and I always found it very difficult to memorize them and I didn't see the point of the whole thing. It didn't leave any room for your own thoughts and creativity. You learnt a poem by heart, you got a good grade, if you failed to learn it, you got a bad grade. Simple as that.

Now, does learning loads of prayers and saying them over and over again, instead of talking to God in your own words, make you look good in the eyes of God? And if you don't know even one single prayer does it mean that you are doomed forever? Okay, I know silly rethoric questions, but please do tell if you feel the need to learn prayers for different reasons!

Peace be with you and good night! ^_^

x

God *_*

It's been a week since my beloved grandpa passed away... still can't believe it and nothing will be the same ever again...

I went to church tonight... I almost never go to church because I just rarely feel the need to attend a mass. I rather go to church alone whenever I think it might help me in some way. I can take care of all my issues with God anywhere, I don't need a priest who maybe isn't even a true believer and who is a bigger sinner than I am to preach about how great God is. I know that, thank you very much. God is in my heart. Period.

The mass started one hour later for some reason and I had plenty of time to think. Many thoughts crossed my mind during that hour, religion related things mainly. St. Dominic's Priory smells like the church at home... Anyway I could draw the conclusion again that God is so cool that He has loads of pseudonyms and he has many thousands of houses all over the world. Oh, and He is reading your blog too, even if you're a non-believer! =]]

My favourite part of a mass is when you shake hands with total strangers in the name of peace, and the love you feel is sometimes greater than the love you get from your closest friends...

I'm a total mess...

Rest in peace Grandpa!

P.S. I hope I didn't sound like some kind of a cult leader, but religion vs. faith is always an interesting topic to talk about...

Peace! ^_^

khsdbghpiehbinkbiphbgpohjerpohbjfdopbjeo

Haven't had a messed up mood like this in ages... Haven't slept for days... I miss my grandpa... I miss him really bad =[[

I wanted to stay home and I wanted to come back in the same time... It was okay at home but I missed London... Now I'm here and I am so pissed off that I didn't stay for another week at least... Now I miss my Mom and Grandma and the rest of my family and friends... I have to send the application folder to the uni next week... There is a slight chance that I screw that up too and then I don't have a plan B so again I feel like I want to run out of this world...

I know I I I, it sounds like it's all about me... if I feel rotten all the rest of the world should feel rotten or if not so, at least everyone should try to cheer me up for crying out loud so that I can be myself again! I never felt more lonely than now... Yet strangely I don't want to socialize with anyone...

There was just one thing I could do... listen to music on my iPod while I was on the bus from the airport and make up silly little scenes in my head which cheered me up for a few seconds... I love tunnels, even the short ones under the motorway sections with the little yellow lights... for a few seconds it feels like it's nighttime and that I am some kind of a jamesbondish character who is in the middle of some action moment... and then the planes take off and they dissapear in the sun for a fraction of a second and then they speed up... it is so dynamic and I always play some hardcore music during these sequences or sometimes just Placebo or Portishead or something really chill. Today was a hardcore kind of theme song day.

Okay then, hope that everyone has at least a half as a crappy day as I do!

Love,

S.

Rest in peace my beloved grandpa!

I will always love you and I will miss you very much! You were the best grandpa anybody could ever have!